The Evil Owl's On Hold Message on the Tech Support line
If Evil Owl had his way, tech support hold messages would sound like this.....
Thank you for calling technical support. All our technicians are either busy or in the middle of an important download. Since your problem is most likely trivial, we would appreciate you waiting until a tech feels like picking up the line, or hell freezes over, whichever comes first. Dress warm.
Thank you for calling Tech Support. If you are calling from a touch tone phone, chances are it's set to pulse, so asking you to push buttons is irrelevant. For your listening pleasure, here's Barry Manilow singing "Mandy" over and over and over.....
Thank you for calling technical support. In order to make your call go smoothly, please do the following:
#1 - Boot your computer
#2 - That means your computer must have power running through it
#3 - No - that's the monitor. The box under your desk... yes, the tower. Turn it on
#4 - See the screaming child next to you? Yes? Shoot him.
#5 - get out all floppies........
#6 - they're in the bottom left hand drawer
#7 - We're watching you, that's how we knew that
Thank you for calling tech support. We would like to express our complete surprise that you were able to correctly dial the phone. Of course, you probably messed that up and reached us by accident. Stay on the line anyway, we could use the laugh.
Thank you for calling technical support. All our techs are busy performing the nightly pagan sacrifice to the almighty coffee machine. Stay on the line, the first available tech will be with you shortly (music plays)...... Your call is important to us, as we haven't laughed in a quite a bit, so please stay on the line, a tech will be with you shortly... (more music)..... hey, you know what happened yesterday? Some loser called us with a simple little problem, and we WIPED HIS HARD DRIVE.. hahahahahaha.. *chuckle* stay on the line, we REALLY wanna talk to you... (even more music)......... I'll have to ask you to stop pushing keys. See, we're in your hard drive now, looking at that downloads folder - WHOA!! Where did you find THAT one??......(still more music)... well, the day is done, and we've decided your call wasn't that important after all. Better luck tomorrow *click*
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