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Laughter HELL! > Little Jokes

Little Jokes


Teacher: What excuse have you for being late?
John: (breathlessly) I ran so fast, teacher, that I didn't have time to think of one

How Can I?

Wife: Our new neighbour always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don't you do that?
Husband: How can I? I don't even know her.

Only Five

Father: Have you taken your maths test, son?
Son: Taken already.
Father: Did you get them all right?
Son: Only five wrong.
Father: Not bad! By the way, how many sums altogether?
Son: Five.

Right And Wrong

Teacher writes a sum, 3 + 7 = 9, on the blackboard.
Teacher: Is the sum right?
First Student: Wrong.
Second Student: Right.
First Student: Wrong.
Second Student: Right
First Student: 3 + 7 should be 10 and not 9, right?
Second Student: Right.
First Student: Then why did you say 3 + 7 is 9 right?
Second Student: Because you say it is wrong and I agreed with you.

Dead Body Cycling

During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him . . . .
Teacher: Bobby, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.
Bobby: (thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling to school.

The Music

Musician: Is the music sweet?
Boy: It's more or less like the one which my father plays.
Musician: Is your father a musician?
Boy: No, he's a carpenter.

Thief For Thief

One day as a husband was having his tea at home, his wife complained to him . . .
Wife: You know dear our new washerwoman stole two of our towels. That crook!
Husband: Which towels dear?
Wife: The ones we stole from the hotel in Miami Beach.

Better One

Bus Inspector: Where's your ticket?
Traveller: I think I have lost it.
Bus Inspector: Well, that's not a good excuse.
Traveller: Alright. You suggest a better one.


Taking Doubles

Once a fat man stepped on to a weighing machine. He put a ten-cent coin into the slot. Out came a card with the printed words," One by one, please." 

My Backside

An old woman went up a bus and asked the conductor . . . .
Old woman: Where is this place?
Conductor: This is Toa Payoh.
Later she poked her umbrella at the conductor's back . . . .
Old Woman: Where is this place?
Conductor: This is my backside.

A Bed For Mother

Mother's day was coming . . . 
John: Mary, what shall we get for mother on Mother's Day?
Mary: A bed.
John: Why?
Mary: All of us have nice beds to sleep on but poor mother has to share one with father.

Shoes Round The Neck?

Customer: How much is that tie?
Salesman: Three dollars.
Customer: What! I can buy a pair of shoes for three dollars!
Salesman: Yes. But who would want to wear a pair of shoes round the neck?

Weird Fact

The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses every letter in the alphabet (developed by Western Union to test telecommunications)

I'm Sick

One day Hamid felt very sick and he went to the hospital . . . .
Nurse: Hamid, the doctor is here to see you.
Hamid: Tell him, I can't see him. I'm sick.

The Smallest Words

One boy wanted to have his eyes tested, so he went to an optician. Here is how it goes . . .
Optician: OK boy, sit down please. Can you see the smallest words on the board. (What the optician meant was the smallest letter)
Boy: Yeah, the smallest words on the board are "Made in Great Britain".

Drive Me Back

Taxi Drive: That will be 80 cents please, Madam.
Lady: I have only 50 cents. Can you drive me back a little?

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