Honesty
Teacher: What excuse have you
for being late?
John: (breathlessly) I ran so fast, teacher,
that I didn't have time to think of one
How Can I?
Wife: Our new neighbour always
kisses his wife when he goes to work, why
don't you do that?
Husband: How can I? I don't even know her.
Only Five
Father: Have you taken your
maths test, son?
Son: Taken already.
Father: Did you get them all right?
Son: Only five wrong.
Father: Not bad! By the way, how many sums
altogether?
Son: Five.
Right And Wrong
Teacher writes a sum, 3 + 7
= 9, on the blackboard.
Teacher: Is the sum right?
First Student: Wrong.
Second Student: Right.
First Student: Wrong.
Second Student: Right
First Student: 3 + 7 should be 10 and not
9, right?
Second Student: Right.
First Student: Then why did you say 3 +
7 is 9 right?
Second Student: Because you say it is wrong
and I agreed with you.
Dead Body Cycling
During an English lesson, the
teacher notices that a boy was not paying
attention to him . . . .
Teacher: Bobby, join these two sentences
together. I was cycling to school. I saw
a dead body.
Bobby: (thinking for a while) I saw a dead
body cycling to school.
The Music
Musician: Is the music sweet?
Boy: It's more or less like the one which
my father plays.
Musician: Is your father a musician?
Boy: No, he's a carpenter.
Thief For Thief
One day as a husband was having
his tea at home, his wife complained to
him . . .
Wife: You know dear our new washerwoman
stole two of our towels. That crook!
Husband: Which towels dear?
Wife: The ones we stole from the hotel in
Miami Beach.
Better One
Bus Inspector: Where's your
ticket?
Traveller: I think I have lost it.
Bus Inspector: Well, that's not a good excuse.
Traveller: Alright. You suggest a better
one.
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Taking Doubles
Once a fat man stepped on to
a weighing machine. He put a ten-cent coin
into the slot. Out came a card with the
printed words," One by one, please."
My Backside
An old woman went up a bus and
asked the conductor . . . .
Old woman: Where is this place?
Conductor: This is Toa Payoh.
Later she poked her umbrella at the conductor's
back . . . .
Old Woman: Where is this place?
Conductor: This is my backside.
A Bed For Mother
Mother's day was coming . .
.
John: Mary, what shall we get for mother
on Mother's Day?
Mary: A bed.
John: Why?
Mary: All of us have nice beds to sleep
on but poor mother has to share one with
father.
Shoes Round The Neck?
Customer: How much is that tie?
Salesman: Three dollars.
Customer: What! I can buy a pair of shoes
for three dollars!
Salesman: Yes. But who would want to wear
a pair of shoes round the neck?
Weird Fact
The sentence "The quick brown
fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses every
letter in the alphabet (developed by Western
Union to test telecommunications)
I'm Sick
One day Hamid felt very sick and he went
to the hospital . . . .
Nurse: Hamid, the doctor is here to see
you.
Hamid: Tell him, I can't see him. I'm sick.
The Smallest Words
One boy wanted to have his eyes tested,
so he went to an optician. Here is how it
goes . . .
Optician: OK boy, sit down please. Can you
see the smallest words on the board. (What
the optician meant was the smallest letter)
Boy: Yeah, the smallest words on the board
are "Made in Great Britain".
Drive Me Back
Taxi Drive: That will be 80 cents please,
Madam.
Lady: I have only 50 cents. Can you drive
me back a little?
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